


I'd rather argue with you than kiss someone else

by pragmatic



Category: The 100
Genre: 3x05, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellarke, F/M, No Cuffs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 00:45:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6064375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pragmatic/pseuds/pragmatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>3x05, alternate universe</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd rather argue with you than kiss someone else

He should have known Octavia was leading him into a trap. He had done it enough times. But he didn't figure it out, and he followed her blindly into the room.  
Where Wanheda was waiting.  
So many emotions were swirling around inside him. Hate, betrayal anger. Those he could handle. Those were easy. It was the more complicated ones that were pulling him under. Relief, guilt, compassion. Those were the ones that threatened to drown him completely.  
Clarke had said something, he hadn't really heard, so he asked her what she was doing here. Her answer set something off inside him. Something angry and pent up so badly, he hadn't even realized it was there.  
He had held in all these emotions for so long, the words flowed from him. He didn't realize he resented Clarke so much, and it scared him.  
How could he feel so many things towards one person?  
"I-I." She was speechless. Good.  
But even as he felt the smallest bit of triumph, the sadness on her face made him guilty. He couldn't look at her, he turns away as she speaks up.  
"I'm sorry for leaving. But I knew I could...because they had you." He chances a glance at her, and he sees what she doesn't say.  
They had the me I tried to be. The better me. The one who didn't kill three hundred people, the one who I pretended to be to make myself feel better. The one that's long gone.  
He sees the pain in her eyes. He feels it too.  
"You say you need me, but where were you when I needed you, Clarke? Like you said, I pulled that lever too, I killed those people too! Did you forget the part about together?"  
"No, Bellamy-" she starts.  
"You probably do remember. Together just isn't with me, anymore."  
He crosses his arms. Puts back up his walls that she somehow managed to crack. Not this time. Not ever.  
"You know what, Bellamy?" She stands up, and squares her shoulders, marching over to him.  
"Everything I've done is what's best for our people and-"  
He scoffs. "Best for you, you mean."  
She makes a frustrated sound, and turns away from him, pacing.  
"Do you honestly think that? I never think of myself! It's always about keeping our people safe! Keeping-"  
Her eyes snap to his, and she rubs her lips together in an effort to keep her mouth shut.  
"What, Clarke? Keeping what?" He prods. He doesn't let himself hope what her answer might be. He can't.  
"You. Keeping you safe, Bellamy. Everything has been about you."  
Her shoulders sag, and she looks at the floor, but her hands are in fists.  
What she says should please him, but it only makes his blood boil.  
"No. No! You can't do that! You can't leave for months and play grounder while I was left here suffering all by myself, and then come back and stir up all these emotions that I've spent so long trying to-" He slams his mouth shut, in an effort not to tell her everything that's on his damn mind.  
"I-I mean, I j-just-" He tries to back pedal, but Clarke has already caught on. And she's slowing stepping closer to him.  
"What emotions, Bellamy? And so long trying to do what?"  
He racks his brain for a solution. He can't brush her off, she'll see right through him. Dammit, why does she have to be so smart.  
She's nearly under his nose and he's finding hard to keep his breath steady. She's pointed her steely gaze right at him. He clears his throat to try and speak, but all that comes out is, "I-I-" She laughs.  
She fucking laughs.  
"I'm not sorry, whatever I did. If it gets the old you back. If it gets your fucking walls down." She's still almost smiling, tears still brimming her eyes.  
"How could you not know?" He says mostly to himself.  
"Not know what?" She says.  
He looks into her eyes. Her beautiful eyes, that make him feel things he hasn't thought about since the drop ship days. Things he doesn't ever want to think about. But here she is asking him all these questions an he's just so tired. Tired of being angry, tired of putting up a front, tired of hiding it from her.  
"How could you not know how I feel about you?" It's a legitimate question. He's been told many different times, by many different people that it's fairly obvious how he feels about Clarke. It quieted down when she left, even more when Gina came along.  
Clarke is staring at him. Eyes wide.  
"And, um, how do you feel about me?" She awkwardly tries to stare him in the eye, but falters. More than once. He inhales.  
"You infuriate me so much I can hardly stand it. And you're so stubborn I want to bang my head against a wall. You make me want to kick the crap out of you sometimes, too." He ticks these things off his fingers. She crosses her arms and huffs. "Well then, tell me how you really feel."  
He rolls his eyes, drama queen.  
He moves to take her hand, and her jaw drops as he holds it.  
"But. Even with all those things..." He takes a deep breath. Now or never.  
"You make me better. You, make me think. You make me feel things I've never felt before, things I've never wanted to feel-"  
"Well, sorry." She jabs, but it's with a smile. And he squeezes her hand.  
"I've never wanted to feel, until you. You're my best friend. You make me angry and you boss me around, and I never want to live without you. Ever."  
Her smile is watery. So is his.  
"You shouldn't forgive me so easily, Bellamy. I've done terrible things."  
He groans.  
"Who the hell hasn't? We're all bad people, trying to do good things. And forgiving you isn't a problem, that was done the second I saw you."  
She smiles wide at that. His heart nearly bursts.  
"I really want to say I love you, but would that be going to fast in our newly found relationship?" She says, stepping closer and nuzzling his jaw.  
"Wow, I just confessed my feelings and we're already in a relationship?" He teases and she punches him.  
"Ow! Ok, ok, I love you too."  
She grins and kisses him.  
She tastes like salt and earth and moonshine. And fucking amazing.  
His hands explore what he's never allowed himself to think about. She bites his lip and he groans in pleasure. He spins them around so she's pinned against the wall.  
He kisses down her neck as she rakes her nails down his back.  
Shouts outside break them apart.  
He shakes his head.  
"I started a fucking war, Clarke." He rests his head against her collar bone.  
"No, I'll talk to Lexa. It'll be ok." He visibly stiffens at the mention of her name.  
"I don't like her." He pouts.  
"I hadn't noticed. C'mon. Let's go find Octavia." She pushes him off her, but doesn't let go of his hand.  
"Wait! Clarke, about all the things I said-" he starts to say.  
"Don't be sorry, they were true." She interrupts him and pecks him on the lips once more before slipping out through the door. She doesn't see the stupid grin that's left on his face.  
He has no clue how he got so lucky, and he's not going to throw it away.  
He loves her, and he plans on showing it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I didn't mention Gina that much. I know Bellamy probably wouldn't jump into a relationship so quickly after her death. Just pretend the summit happened a long time ago.


End file.
